02 Sep 2006
by: ALEX K. HOLIK, Boozenews.ca
No one wants to be preached at or to, but then again, no one really enjoys having to tolerate the inconsiderations of others who simply do not know how to conduct themselves properly in public. Owing to the fact that most people have either forgotten or simply have never had the opportunity to learn from their parents how to act in a social situation, it was decided that a quick refresher course should be presented here. If you, or “a friend of yours”, have been guilty of breaking any of the rules listed below, please remember this list so that others may never have to suffer the aggrivation of having to patiently excuse your misguidings. And, “please, Lord, give me the strength in the future to stay out of other people’s business.” In no particular order:
NO STUPID JOKES IN THE LINE-UP. The “let’s rush the door everybody” joke was played out in 1897 when the first idiot thought it up. Don’t be a comedian; saying it (or something similar) simply makes the line-up longer and slower.
DON'T CROWD THE SERVING AREA. Only one person really needs to go in order to buy the next round. Having your friends crowd the area, instead of waiting off to the side, slows down service and makes you look insecure.
DO NOT STAND IN THE AISLES. Yes, it is a great spot, but no one is going to be interested in someone who’s hoarding valuable space when even your friends will be chomping at the bit for you to move. If you run into friends, move off to the side; no one else wants to wait and hear about your crummy summer job.
TIP YOUR SERVER. It is amazing how much they can help you in the future, and they’ve earned it with everything they have to put up with in the course of an evening.
LOSE THE PHONE! We don’t have cigarettes flailing around in the hands of social “wanna-bees” burning our clothes anymore, but now we have cell phone antenas poking us all over. Beside the fact that your friends would be with you if they liked you, who can hear anything over the sound of the music?
DON'T TRY TO ACT TOUGH. Even with your fortified jeuvenile ego, you’re not as cool or as tough as you think. There are just too many real athletes in the crowd being polite who’ll kick your butt if they really have to.
DON'T GRAB ASSES. It doesn’t work and it simply scares the opposite sex from coming back again on some other evening.
DON'T DANCE ON BENCHES, SPEAKERS OR TABLES. It always comes across as a desperate cry for attention. You’re either ugly, have low self-esteem, or taken, but regardless of which, you never dance as well as you think.
DON'T HIT ON THE SECURITY. Again with the desperate cry for attention from people with low self-esteem. Most bouncers don’t want you to since they know your game, and whatever the case, will not date anyone they met at work.
THE DJ'S USUALLY A PUTZ. Ever wonder why they are playing music instead of being in a band or out having fun with friends?
DON'T RAP, LET THE ARTIST DO IT. We already know you like the song; we just don’t want to hear your crappy lack of talent spoiling it.
And finally... NO ONE IS IMPRESSED BY HOW MUCH OR WHAT YOU CAN EAT OR DRINK. Enough said.
No one wants to be preached at or to, but then again, no one really enjoys having to tolerate the inconsiderations of others who simply do not know how to conduct themselves properly in public. Owing to the fact that most people have either forgotten or simply have never had the opportunity to learn from their parents how to act in a social situation, it was decided that a quick refresher course should be presented here. If you, or “a friend of yours”, have been guilty of breaking any of the rules listed below, please remember this list so that others may never have to suffer the aggrivation of having to patiently excuse your misguidings. And, “please, Lord, give me the strength in the future to stay out of other people’s business.” In no particular order:
NO STUPID JOKES IN THE LINE-UP. The “let’s rush the door everybody” joke was played out in 1897 when the first idiot thought it up. Don’t be a comedian; saying it (or something similar) simply makes the line-up longer and slower.
DON'T CROWD THE SERVING AREA. Only one person really needs to go in order to buy the next round. Having your friends crowd the area, instead of waiting off to the side, slows down service and makes you look insecure.
DO NOT STAND IN THE AISLES. Yes, it is a great spot, but no one is going to be interested in someone who’s hoarding valuable space when even your friends will be chomping at the bit for you to move. If you run into friends, move off to the side; no one else wants to wait and hear about your crummy summer job.
TIP YOUR SERVER. It is amazing how much they can help you in the future, and they’ve earned it with everything they have to put up with in the course of an evening.
LOSE THE PHONE! We don’t have cigarettes flailing around in the hands of social “wanna-bees” burning our clothes anymore, but now we have cell phone antenas poking us all over. Beside the fact that your friends would be with you if they liked you, who can hear anything over the sound of the music?
DON'T TRY TO ACT TOUGH. Even with your fortified jeuvenile ego, you’re not as cool or as tough as you think. There are just too many real athletes in the crowd being polite who’ll kick your butt if they really have to.
DON'T GRAB ASSES. It doesn’t work and it simply scares the opposite sex from coming back again on some other evening.
DON'T DANCE ON BENCHES, SPEAKERS OR TABLES. It always comes across as a desperate cry for attention. You’re either ugly, have low self-esteem, or taken, but regardless of which, you never dance as well as you think.
DON'T HIT ON THE SECURITY. Again with the desperate cry for attention from people with low self-esteem. Most bouncers don’t want you to since they know your game, and whatever the case, will not date anyone they met at work.
THE DJ'S USUALLY A PUTZ. Ever wonder why they are playing music instead of being in a band or out having fun with friends?
DON'T RAP, LET THE ARTIST DO IT. We already know you like the song; we just don’t want to hear your crappy lack of talent spoiling it.
And finally... NO ONE IS IMPRESSED BY HOW MUCH OR WHAT YOU CAN EAT OR DRINK. Enough said.
